the deadly melancholy of the Christmas season

"As early as December 20, [Walter] Benjamin made the analogy between cities and people explicit: 'For me, Moscow is now a fortress, the harsh climate which is wearing me down, no matter how healthy it might be for me, my ignorance of the language, Reich's presence, Asja's utterly circumscribed mode of existence, all constitute so many bastions, and it is only the total impossibility of advancing any further, only the fact that Asja's illness, or at least her weakness, pushes our personal affairs into the background, that keeps me from becoming completely depressed by all this. Whether I will achieve the secondary purpose of my journey—to escape the deadly melancholy of the Christmas season—remains to be seen.'

"On December 31, this question also seemed to have been answered. Benjamin was standing in front of a theater poster with Asja when he admitted: 'If I had to be sitting alone somewhere tonight, I would hang myself with misery.'"

~~ from Time of the Magicians: Wittgenstein, Benjamin, Cassirer, Heidegger, and the Decade That Reinvented Philosophy by Wolfram Eilenberger